Can't Tell
by gypsysoul
Summary: They want to tell, but they can't. A series of shorts my first Torchwood fic.
1. Gwen Part 1

_I own nothing but my own ideas! This is set after Countrycide. Spoliers up until then._

She couldn't tell him. She wanted to, but she couldn't.

He had asked her how work had gone when she got home. How do you tell your normal boyfriend that you "catch aliens" at your new job? How do you tell him that you face danger that he can't protect you from? How do you tell him that you were shot at work today? Gwen thought on this as she pretended to watch whatever tv show had taken Rhys' fancy this time.

She suddenly noticed that the noise from the tv had stopped. She looked up to see Rhys standing over her with his smile.

"Come on let's go to bed. You look half-dead. I swear they're working you too hard". Gwen was too exhausted to find humor with his comment. If Owen were here he would have made some sarcastic comment. Owen. His name released a flood of emotions. Anger, Frustration, Confusion, Compassion, Longing, Passion. Gwen thought back to being pushed up against a tree. She had wanted to kiss him and would have if they hadn't had been interrupted.

How do you tell you're boyfriend you kissed another guy, on a slab, while hiding from a Cyberwoman? How do you tell him that you wanted to kiss him again and almost did.

As Gwen drifted off to sleep, the nightmares overtook her. Her dreams were so vivid. She had had some bad dreams as a cop, but this was ten times worse. She saw the dead bodies and the blood. She felt her stomach clench as she went to retch. She felt the bullet rip through her stomach and the pain. Her fear went into overdrive as Tosh, Ianto, and Owen were being threatened by the crazy villagers. She saw Ewan's face smiling as he told her that killing had made him happy. She saw herself standing in the woods screaming over and over.

She saw Owen running to her like he had after she had been shot. "Gwen" her name from his mouth sent shivers up her spine. He reached her and wrapped his arms around her holding her as the tears started.

She woke up in Rhys' arms with him whispering her name into her hair as he rocked her slowly. The tears from her dream started again. It was too much. Rhys' wiped the tears off her cheeks and kissed her gently. "Hey, bad dream"?

Gwen nodded her head. "Why don't you tell me about it. You might be able to go back to sleep."

She couldn't tell him. She wanted to, but she couldn't.


	2. Gwen Part 2

_I own nothing just my ideas. This is the second part to Gwen's thoughts after Countrycide. Please don't forget to Review! It means a lot to me!_

She couldn't tell him. She wanted to, but she couldn't.

Gwen had known when she accepted the job at Torchwood that she wouldn't be able to talk about the things she did or the things she saw with anyone, especially Rhys. But it had finally hit her when Rhys had tried to comfort her. She couldn't tell him anything. It hurt more than she had anticipated.

Needing to clear her head Gwen let the apartment after leaving a note for Rhys. She started walking the streets of Cardiff trying to find answers and comfort in the night.

Out of habit, she started walking towards the Hub. All of the crazy things that she had seen ran through her mind: A man being brought back to life, Weevils, Carys' possession, Lisa no the Cyberwoman, Fairies, and the cannibal townspeople. She almost wished that Jack's amnesia pill had worked on her. Then she wouldn't be walking around Cardiff at four in the bloody morning.

Without even realizing it, Gwen ended up standing in the very spot where Suzie had died. Suzie, who had been such an important member of the team. Suzie, who had been so good at her job. Suzie, who had started to kill. Suzie, who had gone crazy. Suzie, who Gwen shot.

_Oh God, how long before I go completely mad too? Who will be the one to end it for me? Tosh? Ianto? Jack? Owen?_ Tears slowly ran down Gwen's face as she sank to the street corner, crying softly. It was too much to bear anymore. Maybe Suzie had the right idea, run away, run from all the madness. But where could she go, it would haunt her dreams no matter how far she went.

Gwen was too distressed to notice the man step off the chameleon circuit into plain view. When he noticed Gwen's tears he ran over to her side. Gwen turned quickly at the sound of footsteps. When she noticed who the man was she rose to her feet.

"Gwen!" Owen's cries sounded almost identical to the one from her nightmare. She let him grab her arms and pull her into a hug. She rested her head against his chest inhaling his familiar smell.

"What's wrong? Is it your stomach? Do you want to hear my quip about a small prick this time?" She smiled remembering his joke from earlier in the day. All at once the horror from the day crashed down on her again. Her tears began to flow again, harder and faster.

Owen looked down at her, upset by her continuing tears. Gently, he brushed her tears away with his fingers. Gwen smiled at the gesture and hugged him all the more tightly. She wasn't entirely sure how long they stood like that before the rain started.

Owen pulled away from the embrace first. "Come on" he said gently. Gwen let him lead her along not really sure as to why. The rain continued soaking both of them. Finally, Owen led Gwen into a building, up some stairs, and into his flat. Gwen stood looking out the windows watching as the lightning flashed all around.

Owen disappeared down the hall and returned in dry clothes with towels. He handed one to Gwen and began to dry his hair off with the other. "I've got some extra sweats if you want to borrow them". Gwen noticed the pair of pants and shirt that he had carried in with him.

She sat down on the bed still very shell-shocked from everything. Owen noticed her look and sat down next to her. "Gwen, will you please tell me what's wrong" he asked softly.

"I had a nightmare. I was relieving everything from today. The blood, the bodies, being shot, all those people dead and it was humans not even alien. I woke up to Rhys trying to figure out what was wrong. He asked me to tell him about my dream. And then it hit me; I couldn't tell him anything. Not that he would believe me even if I had told him. But I can't tell him anything ever. I can't tell anyone." Her voice had started off softly and grew in pitch. Owen put his hand on her arm.

"Then I got to the Hub and I started thinking about Suzie. I mean she had everyone to talk to and she went crazy. She killed people, innocent people. And I just couldn't help but wonder when that would happen to me. When I would go crazy and which one of you would be the one to end it for me." At this point Gwen's tears had returned and she found herself sobbing in Owen's arms, something she had never envisioned before.

He ran his hand through her hair slowly. It was soothing. "Look, Suzie was Suzie. You're not her; you are not going to be her. You've dealt with all of this remarkably well. And you do have people to talk with. You've got Ianto, Tosh, Jack and well, you have me too Gwen. I know I've been an ass, but I'll always be here if you need me."

Gwen met Owen's eyes and for the first time noticed how he was looking at her. It wasn't his usual smart ass look, the one he had when he was taunting her about being the new girl. It was caring and warm.

Her hand moved to his hair, the same place it had found when she was lying on the table while he dug for the bullet. "You were really scared for me today, weren't you"?

Owen nodded his head. "I didn't want you to be hurt. I don't want you to have anymore nightmares. I want you to be alright." It was the most sincere thing he had ever said to her.

Without another thought Gwen leaned in and kissed him. God, it was the most amazing kiss. It was almost better than the one they had shared hiding from Lisa. Owen responded and wrapped his arm around her waist, tangling his fingers in her wet hair. Gwen was losing herself in the kiss, and for once she wasn't afraid to be swept away.

Owen suddenly broke the kiss. Gwen groaned frustrated by the lack of contact. She swore she heard him chuckle. He lifted her chin to make eye contact. His words took her breath away, "You've got me now".

She moved to his lap and the kissing began again more eagerly, more desperate than before.

Hours later her phone rang in the blackness. Owen turned away from the ringing in an attempt to stay asleep. Gwen fumbled in her coat pocket and finally found her stupid phone. She went to turn it off and then noticed it was Rhys calling.

"Hey. No I just couldn't sleep anymore. Yea, I went into work early. Maybe I can be home early tonight to make up for it. Yea, I'll try I promise. Me too". Gwen looked over at the sleeping man next to her, turned her phone off, and slipped back into the bed into his warm arms.

She couldn't tell him. She wanted to, but she couldn't.

_Ok, now make a girl's night and REVIEW! Tell me who you'd like to see next!_


	3. Jack

I don't own anything but my own ideas! This one's slightly angsty. The next one will be happier, promise!

He couldn't tell them. He wanted to, but he couldn't.

After all, they didn't even know that he had been gone for a year. There had been questions of course. Why was he named as public enemy number three? And who were the other two people he had been with? What the hell had happened?

But how could he tell them of the hell he had seen? Earth had been destroyed, cities wiped away, hundreds of thousands of people slaughtered, the rest of the humans too scared of the psychopath to do anything but attempt to survive.

How could he tell them about the things that he had seen done to his friends The Doctor, Tish, Francine, and Clive. The year that he had spent worrying and praying for Martha Jones. The endless questioning of if she was alive or dead.

How could he tell them about the year he spent being tortured by the Master? A man who couldn't die, the Master had taken it as a personal challenge. His team had seen so much, but even they wouldn't be able to imagine what he had been forced to endure. The Master had delighted in finding new ways to hurt and kill him and he was a creative bastard.

They wanted to know. His team. Owen, Gwen, Tosh, and Ianto they could see the wear on his face. They had begged to know and were pretty relentless in their questioning.

He couldn't tell them. He wanted to, but he couldn't.


	4. Tosh

_Sorry it's been awhile, I just couldn't come up with anything. Also, I've been working on a story of my own. Please enjoy!_

She couldn't tell him. She wanted to, but she couldn't.

Some days she just wanted to walk right up to him and smack him right across that pretty face for everything.

Some days she just wanted to grab him and kiss him on that gorgeous mouth of his.

Tosh couldn't tell Owen that every time he regaled the team with stories of his conquest of the night that a part of her broke. She couldn't tell him that every time he brushed her off she wanted to scream and cry all at the same time.

From the moment that she had met Owen, Tosh had been smitten. She felt like a kid back in primary school, blushing at her first crush.

She just couldn't understand how Owen could be so smart and so damn stupid at the same time. He had let his guard down around her enough times that she knew he trusted her. I mean they had a good laugh often enough.

She wondered if he knew how much he liked her and just enjoyed tormenting her with her feelings.

She loved him. She would do anything for him.

She couldn't tell him. She wanted to, but she couldn't.


End file.
